What to do while away

Okay, I have to say right up front that the subject of the following post may be a little offensive to some.  To others, it may seem juvenile (It certainly does to my wife!).  I will attempt to defend myself and my cohorts by saying that when you spend as much time away from home as we do, you have to have something to show for (other than the obvious "bring home the bacon..." thing).  Plus, there is only so much Clive Cussler a man can take.  I consider this act a bonding experience between coworkers.  Though our significant others consider the practice juvenile and mean-spirited, they do occasionally afford themselves the same enjoyment we derive, and sometimes may actually participate.  I do believe that it may be a very deep wish in all of us that one day we will be caught in the act, and may even be harmed (if only mentally).  What a story to tell years later..."Remember when that dude caught you?  He was like,'The eff you doin'?  'Tso funny?' Man, I thought you were gonna die!"  I have noticed that we are all taking more risks in our little hobby, so there is obviously some sort of allure to getting caught.
I definitely do not consider our passion mean spirited since we're not making anything up.  We're not slandering anyone, and we are not uncovering any secrets.  In fact, there are several websites devoted exactly to the same sort of hobby.
My favorite aspect of our game is what we refer to as "The Capture."  "Pursuit" can be fun as well, though can often seem obsessive and perhaps a little creepy.  Often overlooked, but equally satisfying is "Categorization."  It is not so much making up a category as it is deciding how many categories your subject will fit into.
I recently went to a convention in New York City.  Expecting the convention yield a fairly good crop, I was pretty pumped. I'm pretty sure there has never been such a gross underestimation in the history of everything.  My phone battery was empty by around 3:00 each day because of the constant stream of email.  I happened to be at the Audio Engineering Society national convention, and as I'm sure you have guessed by now, I take pictures of people with mullets.  I (we) then categorize, and share the results.  I'm sure that our company's email server is quite full of jpegs bearing subjects such as "Femullet" or "Silverback."
The following is my advice on how to take a picture of a potential subject.
0.  Try to keep your camera phone at the ready.  I have an iPhone, so I open the camera app, then use the sleep button
1.  Identify and Qualify the subject.  Pony-tails can be deceiving
2.  Follow the subject for a bit.  Proper lighting is essential.
3.  On camera phones, you usually have to be pretty close in order to get an acceptable capture.  usually within 6 feet
4.  If you are able to get a frontal shot, you win for the day.  The trick is appearing that you are actually looking at something on you phone rather than taking a picture.  Don't be too obvious as this can lead to injury
5.  Practice the sideways picture take (i.e. look like you're actually talking on your phone)
6.  If at all possible.  TURN OFF THAT STUPID CAMERA NOISE.
I hope that this post inspires you to do something creative with your time in the airport or truck stop.

I would like to say to all of you mullet wearers out there,"Keep it up."  The rest of us who simply do not have the guts to sport the short-long are, and will alway be in some part envious of your bold statement.

Now, here's a bit of traveling advice:  If you haven't ever been on a plane before, NO ONE CARES!!!!
 

Stuck in a Bathroom

I must have typed this first line ten times before I finally decided to leave it at this. The first several attempts said things like, "This is my first blog..." or "I've never done this..." and so on. I'm not a constant blog reader, so I'm really not sure if other first-time-bloggers use this type of opening though I imagine many of them do.

I am a habitual business traveler, and have some potentially educational stories to share.

So, I'd like to start off by defining what I mean by "business traveler." My profession doesn't so much keep me moving all of the time as it keeps me gone all of the time. Don't get me wrong, I consider myself an expert in navigating an airport, picking out the best seats on a plane, and finding the rent-a-car counter quicker than anyone after the flight. I just happen to spend more time at job locations and in hotels than I do on a plane or in a car.

Tomorrow I will be driving three hours, training a customer for seven hours, sleeping for six, then driving back. Yeah, I know, not very interesting. In fact, I'm going to have to say right now that many of these stories will be down right boring. Rest assured though if I feel the need to tell you about it, it will be worth it to me.

The first story I'd like to share is one of my first (though not the first) plane trips. I flew from my home state (Oklahoma) to New York. It was while I was a freshman in college and I went with a group of trombone players, and we were playing at a Trombone Convention. Being in Manhattan as a freshman in college having grown up in Oklahoma can be a bit of a shocking experience. There are only a few things I really remember from the trip:

1. It was before 42nd street was cleaned up, and was still lined with porn shops and strip clubs (I was hustled by a very large and intimidating guy out of $10.00 which is a story in itself which I will tell later).

2. I went to my first strip club and it was a horrible experience

3. I got locked in my hotel bathroom for about 30 minutes because the doorknob came

off when I tried to pull the door open

4. The flight attendant bumped into me while I was taking a drink of coffee and laughed

right at be because I spilled the coffee all over my crotch

The bathroom story is actually kind of funny because of the situation. The guy sharing a room with me was out doing whatever, and as I said above, the doorknob came out in my hand as I tried to exit. Luckily, there was a phone in the bathroom, so I was able to call the front desk. For some reason though, this was not the first thing that I did. I proceeded to yell as loud as I could to try to get the people (whom I did know) in the next rooms attention. I also banged as loud as I could on the door. I then sat on the toilet for about 10 minutes and waited. Finally it dawned on me to call the front desk using the phone on the wall not one foot from my head. It was a bit awkward telling the front desk personnel that I was locked in the bathroom, and frustrating when they told me that they'd be up in about 15 minutes. My roommate actually showed up about 5 minutes later and freed me. When I called the desk again to tell them that I got out, they actually asked me if I broke the door down.

So, there's my first story and here's my first traveler's tip.

When you are on a plane, don't mess with the tray table any more than you absolutely have to. It can be extremely irritating to the person in the seat in front of you. Especially if they are trying to sleep, or are just trying to relax in their own thoughts.